Perfectionism in Academia and in Performing
I am a perfectionist. Often this is seen as a good thing, as it means the quality of work I produce is always at an immaculate standard, my work ethic is desirable and I am forever wanting to achieve and prove something. However, the negatives are that I struggle with failure - sometimes I have to stop myself, as my impulse is that if I think I might fail at sometime I should just not do it. I rarely give myself a pat on the back for the massive feats I achieve in my life, I am also rarely completely satisfied with the work I produce and in general I strive constantly to achieve something that isn't a possibility - Perfection.
I struggled with this a lot up until training in Musical Theatre full time at Italia Conti, there I wasn't the best at everything so I never felt a pressure to be perfect and we were rarely told that what we did was either good or bad. We just constantly reflected and strove to do better next time and continually grew and developed practically. I think the main thing that was different here was that I was learning practically and that to a certain extent some issues were out of my control so I didn't beat myself up so much when I couldn't do something. Instead I learnt to just persist and focus on the little improvements - this way of learning became the most productive way I had learnt in my life. It helped make musical theatre my art rather than my profession - art to my implies there is a creative process by which we have to fail first to improve, whereas a profession was something I had to be perfect at or not bother doing.
The course had changed me from that boy who got 10 A* and 1 A and the main thing to him was that he was 1 mark off an A - to someone who understood that in order to achieve anything in life you must first be willing to fail.
However, starting back in academia with this course I have struggled a lot again with not over-thinking, over-analysing and getting stuck on one point again. I spoke with Adesola about the topics and explained to her that when I'm performing there is a certain aspect to me that is willing to fail, technique is everything and I concentrate hard on it in rehearsals but when on a stage I feel a bond with the people I perform to and with. That bond allows me to adapt to difficulties and find a way round things - it allows me to be supported by my audience and peers but also to support them in return. Performing in front of people, what should in theory be the most stressful point of my perfectionist self, in fact is a form of relieve the internal motor in my head and instead leaves me being able to just do.
In our discussion group today I've been discussing this point and found it interesting that other people related to me on this point. I think it is still going to be an on going journey for myself in dealing with perfectionism in academia but I think by accepting help from others, seeing other Authors as those peers when performing (like Adesola was advising me to) to help me and just allowing myself the blocks I face, accepting they are a part of my 'process' but not letting them defeat me.
Hope do you find writing and learning in academia?
I am a perfectionist. Often this is seen as a good thing, as it means the quality of work I produce is always at an immaculate standard, my work ethic is desirable and I am forever wanting to achieve and prove something. However, the negatives are that I struggle with failure - sometimes I have to stop myself, as my impulse is that if I think I might fail at sometime I should just not do it. I rarely give myself a pat on the back for the massive feats I achieve in my life, I am also rarely completely satisfied with the work I produce and in general I strive constantly to achieve something that isn't a possibility - Perfection.
I struggled with this a lot up until training in Musical Theatre full time at Italia Conti, there I wasn't the best at everything so I never felt a pressure to be perfect and we were rarely told that what we did was either good or bad. We just constantly reflected and strove to do better next time and continually grew and developed practically. I think the main thing that was different here was that I was learning practically and that to a certain extent some issues were out of my control so I didn't beat myself up so much when I couldn't do something. Instead I learnt to just persist and focus on the little improvements - this way of learning became the most productive way I had learnt in my life. It helped make musical theatre my art rather than my profession - art to my implies there is a creative process by which we have to fail first to improve, whereas a profession was something I had to be perfect at or not bother doing.
The course had changed me from that boy who got 10 A* and 1 A and the main thing to him was that he was 1 mark off an A - to someone who understood that in order to achieve anything in life you must first be willing to fail.
However, starting back in academia with this course I have struggled a lot again with not over-thinking, over-analysing and getting stuck on one point again. I spoke with Adesola about the topics and explained to her that when I'm performing there is a certain aspect to me that is willing to fail, technique is everything and I concentrate hard on it in rehearsals but when on a stage I feel a bond with the people I perform to and with. That bond allows me to adapt to difficulties and find a way round things - it allows me to be supported by my audience and peers but also to support them in return. Performing in front of people, what should in theory be the most stressful point of my perfectionist self, in fact is a form of relieve the internal motor in my head and instead leaves me being able to just do.
In our discussion group today I've been discussing this point and found it interesting that other people related to me on this point. I think it is still going to be an on going journey for myself in dealing with perfectionism in academia but I think by accepting help from others, seeing other Authors as those peers when performing (like Adesola was advising me to) to help me and just allowing myself the blocks I face, accepting they are a part of my 'process' but not letting them defeat me.
Hope do you find writing and learning in academia?
Matthew
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